Disconnected

This post will be a compilation of my activities over the July 4th weekend so it may be a bit disconnected, you might say.

Thursday night, I went out with a friend for tea and a muffin. My friend was feeling things out, I could tell. She eventually got to the point and asked why I hadn't been to any events or out with our other friends very much lately - the last seven months, in fact. I told her that I was sorting things out and that the death of my grandmother in early April 2003 seemed to hit me a lot harder than I cared to admit. Not to mention that while I am happy for her and our other friends' accomplishments, the "scene" causes me more stress than enjoyment lately.

I told her that I have been in my shell for the last few months and that socializing is not conducive to introspection. Sometimes, you just have to step away from it all so you can rejuvenate your spirit and soul. Plus, I needed time to think about how to get friends to start socializing a bit more on my terms or at least, meet me halfway.

It's been a challenge convincing my friends that, yes, I can and will hang out with them even though I have kids to raise. I'm just changing how I do it. I finally got one to understand that I have set aside Tuesdays and Thursdays for friends. All these weekend-bender-type scenarios are just not my thing anymore. It has nothing to do with the kids and everything to do with my need to manage my time a little better.

I also told her that I have been visiting a couple of forums and that it has been easy to pass time with this as a distraction. Sewing has taken a backseat to this because my shop is currently dismantled. Once I move into my new home, my hubby has promised to get my workshop up and running. He just didn't want to do it here at the rental because it wouldn't be permanent. This is one of the few times I get pissed with him. You shouldn't only do loving things for people (or things that help them de-stress) when it's convenient or simpler for you. There are times when you should go out of your way for the people you love.

My need for the internet is changing since it is becoming apparent that if you are a poster who is content with life in general, some (not all) posters passive-aggressively enjoy taking verbal potshots or completely disregarding your posts or viewpoint as lacking merit. Being happy now doesn't mean you can't relate to someone's bad experience. We have all had them at one point in our lives. While the trolling I had been subjected to was from posters in grey, it is not hard to figure out who they are as greens as their posting patterns and writing style tends to give them away. And, it helps if you keep track of things and let it be known that you are, to scare the offenders from continuing their crappy behavior.

In general, I have participated in threads I find interesting whether or not I care much for the "handle" who posted it. I don't feel it necessary to ignore topics I find interesting simply because I disagreed with a poster once or even several times. Some posters make it quite obvious how hurt or angered they were over a disagreement by the manner in which they participate with the other greens' posts. Quite amusing to find that there is internet pouting. :) To this, my friend responds that she doesn't know what the f--- I am talking about and that she gets my Thursdays. Last thing she needs is me turning into some kind of internet-geek. Ha! She's too late.

We got to talking about people's behaviors in general and in real life, which got us started on whether people should try their best to be nice and whether, to some, that means that you're not being yourself. I really get annoyed with the notion that people should change who they are but at the same time, if you have a choice to be a better person versus a rude one, why not make that choice? Some people think it's the epitome of cool to be distant, aloof and an all-around major asshole, when in fact, it's quite the opposite. There's no bigger loser than the person who tries to elevate their self-esteem by stepping on the feelings of the proactively good people around them. It takes a lot more courage to be a stand-up guy or gal than to give into 'peer' pressure. Life is not a pissing contest.

Then, there are those people who do everything to be different/"out there" and who really go all out to appear as if they don't care what people think of them (bravado) and label themselves as "misfits" who are better than anyone around them for not succumbing to society's norms. O...kay! It's hilarious because they are just like every other misfit doing the same thing.

Just found out a friend is not returning my phone calls or e-mails because it angered her that while we were working together, her uniqueness was overshadowed by me, whatever the fuck that means. Oh, well, her loss and not mine.



Friday night, I went out with hubby and we decided to wing it. No bigfooting allowed meaning that we would call no one we knew, make no special arrangements for special treatment, and go places where no one knew us. We tried waiting in lines at two restaurants but the wait was just too long and I was hungry as hell. So, we ended up at Cha Cha Cha's and ordered practically everything on the tapas' list as dinner. We also ordered up a half pitcher of sangria, which made me get a good buzz on. Since we were both in really good spirits, we decided to check out a club that we knew our friend DJ's at but we knew he was not doing so on that particular night. We had such a good time talking above the badly mixed housebeat and watched a noodle-dancing chick. You know the type, they stand in an odd corner of the club and proceed to do a noodle dance which calls attention not for the skill but for the lack of it. After about 45 minutes of the same beat and noodle dancing, we decided to leave and drove to Twin Peaks to catch the view but it was foggy and since we can neck at home just as well as in a car at a scenic point, we decided to head home. The babysitter said the kids were good as usual. Hubby and I settled in and promptly zonked the minute we relaxed.



Saturday, I have spent the whole day sorting, categorizing and essentially, boxing up everything that needs to go with my mother in law next week for her garage sale. She offered to sell it for us and I don't think she realized how much stuff we have. I have warned her and explained that a lot of it is stuff we've been given over the last 10 years since I've moved into this house. Now that we are planning for a move, I don't want to take any of it with me but don't want to simply throw it out. I hope she arrives with an empty van because that's how much stuff we are getting rid of. It is interesting to see how things come and go, change and you can pretty much tell what was important when and for how long by what is stored and its condition.



Sunday, it is a very mellow day with baking a quiche and preparing for a barbecue. My dad got mugged on the way out of his apartment to come visit with us. Poor guy got the bridgework knocked out of his mouth by the punch the mugger planted on him. But, Pops got a few good ones of his own in with some cane-bashing to boot. He lost some cash and literally lost some cookies he was planning on giving to us. All in all, he seemed to recover from the trauma okay and spent the night in the playroom.


Monday, my eldest daughter spent the day with her dad at work while I spent the day dilly-dallying, not focusing on any one thing in particular and playing with babycakes in between naps. She wasn't feeling particular great but still managed to muster up some major cuteness. That little one is a real charmer. Even her sisters spends all day saying how cute she is. Just hoping she doesn't get a huge ego because of it. Nah, I am the provider of reality checks to keep all feet in this household firmly planted on earth.